Pregnancy: 26th week

Week 26
April 10 - 16

I suppose it had to happen at some point this pregnancy: I completely and utterly freaked out over something stupid. And it was the works... anger, shame, tears (which usually come with anger) and jumbled thoughts. Mostly anger though. DH, although he was the instigator, handled it pretty well once my long fuse ran out.

So remember this lovely picture? The one I soooo want to copy and even found close or exact matches for furniture? The one DH likes as well and encouraged me to copy? Well, it came super super close to not being copied.

One day, he sits down and starts talking about the prices of the furniture I want and the cost to go get said furniture. It comes from Ikea, so it will involve a trip to Minneapolis since Ikea doesn't ship stuff cheaply. So yes, it's inconvenient, but still cheaper and they're exactly my style... something that almost anything we'd find here won't be. Anyway, the point is, he was making it sound as though I WASN'T getting the furniture from Ikea, and that I'd have to find used stuff from garage sales or borrow from people (from who, I don't know, as everyone who has a crib is actually still using it). Basically giving me a Dave Ramsey lecture. Before I go further, I have to state that I don't have problems with used furniture as long as it's in decent condition. But I had a HUGE problem with it when it started to involve the nursery because not only did I spend lots of time thinking of how I wanted it to look, I found cheap solutions for the furniture and it wouldn't involve me settling for something just because it's cheaper or more convenient to get. So in my eyes, it's a win-win situation, and it upset me to have that taken away just because he didn't want to travel to go get it. (We would still be in the area BTW... we'd made plans to stay with friends living 75 miles outside the Cities, and even if we weren't going to Ikea, we'd still go visit our friends. This added to my frustration).

Anyway, I won't go into much more detail, but my blow-up actually happened the day after. Yeah, I stewed about it overnight and into the early evening the next day. Then when he got home from work, he mentioned it again, apparently not noticing my surliness on the subject, and BAM! Crazy hormonal pregnant woman on a rampage. It was kind of more than just the furniture, too... Dave Ramsey had a pretty big part to play, as I go through periods of extreme stress and frustration over the program, and it just so happened that DH picked one of those times to bring this stuff up. Nothing like feeling poor & destitute when you do have money in the bank and takes an Act of Congress to be able to spend any of it.

After I settled down, we talked it through, and after price checking stuff in town and the internet, he came to the realization that I was right (of course I am) and we will be making the trip to Ikea in May as planned. And just to make sure, I had to tell him that I didn't want him to think I was crying to get my way, and that I cry when I'm angry. He's seen in happen before and I've explained it before, but I just wanted to make sure he remembered that. He did. So I feel secure in the knowledge that he didn't give in because I was crying, which would have made me feel like a shitty person if he did, because I am not that kind of woman.

See? Stupid. The baby won't care what the crib looks like, what color it is or where it comes from. And in the grand scheme of things, there are soooo many other important things to worry about, that afterward, I feel silly for being so upset about something that's just cosmetic. But I'm still right. ;)

Oh yeah... baby update. It's back to kicking my bladder constantly. Brat. And I'm mostly out of regular clothes now and into maternity stuff. On the weekend, some girlfriends and I went to Fargo to do some shopping, and I needed some nursing bras, so a stop to the maternity store in the mall was on the schedule. Yeah, my nursing bra size is a 34DD! That shocked the crap outta me because my boobs really haven't grown all that much. It was explained to me that regular bras and nursing bras have different sizing standards, so that made me feel a little less top heavy, but still. That's a set of letters I NEVER thought I'd attain. Also while we were there, the girls were pulling clothes for me to try on, so I spent a fair amount of time in the dressing room. In the end, I bought 2 nursing bras, 2 night bras, khaki shorts, gray cargo pants and a black skirt. Although there were a few other things I would have liked to buy, my budget didn't allow it (see Dave Ramsey mention above), so I just got some basic pieces that won't go out of style and that are versatile. That's how 95% of my normal wardrobe is anyway, so why change that now?

Fluff, pt. 2

A few days before Thanksgiving, I started seeing women post Black Friday deals from cloth diaper retailers online, and it made me want to buy sooooo badly. But as I've mentioned, I didn't want to buy anything until I was out of the 1st trimester. And as I was in the early days of my 6th week, I wasn't even close to the end. Then I started to think. Thinking of ANY big sale holiday other than the after-Christmas sales, that would come before my baby was due in July. The only one I could think of was Memorial Day, and something tells me the sales on cloth diapers aren't going to be as awesome as they would be on Black Friday. And I love saving money, so it was almost a no-brainer. I would be buying most of my newborn-6m diaper stash on Black Friday. The idea is to buy when almost everything is on sale, and hope it lasts size-wise until next Black Friday, when I can buy the next size up. *Side note: DH keeps forgetting that I haven't bought ALL the diapers the baby will ever use, and it's getting annoying having to explain every 2 weeks that I want to find out what I like before I commit to a full stash*. Onward....

So I did my research and decided what I needed to buy and looked around for good sales. And I found some super awesome sales at a few places! I saved a good chunk of money, and it makes me happy. :) For the infant stage, I decided to do mostly prefolds and covers, and fill out the infant stash with a few all-in-ones (AIO) and perfect size diapers. The One-Size (OS) diapers have a bigger weight range, so they'll last longer. I don't consider them a newborn diaper though, because unless my baby is 10+ pounds at birth (shudder), they won't fit right away. But I got some anyway, just to see what they'd be like.

I won't know until we get into it, but something tells me DH won't want to mess with prefolds at all, hence me getting some newborn diapers you'd put on like a disposable.. meaning an all-in-one with velcro closures. But I didn't get too many since the baby will be super little only so long and it'd kinda be a waste of money. After that, then he can use pre-stuffed pocket diapers. I'm just looking forward to seeing how every type of diaper actually functions on my baby... and selling any that I don't like.

Which leads me into the reasoning behind me not buying any WAHM (work at home mom) diapers. It's good to support WAHM's and their diapers are super cute and pretty reasonably priced. BUT... their resale value is usually pretty low, and almost every diaper I buy, I buy with the thought that I may not like it and will want to resell it. Let's face it, name-brand anything always has a higher rate of return than off-brand. The cloth diaper resale industry is the same way. So most of my diapers are the "name brands"... BumGenius, FuzziBunz, GroVia, Kissaluvs, Bummis and Thirsties. I do have a few "off-brand" diapers, Kawaii and LotusBunz, but I did not buy those. The first was included as a bonus with a purchase, the second I won from a giveaway contest. Yes, I will still use them, and yes, I will try to resell them if I don't like them. But I don't think they'll sell as easily as the name-brand ones will, and they'll probably go at a price that will just barely cover shipping.

Yes, there are lots of moms out there who buy used diapers. It's very cost-effective, if you can get over the ick factor. I can't get over it, so it's very unlikely that I will ever buy a used diaper, even though most sellers take good care of their diapers and keep them clean. I just look at it this way... would I *ever* buy a used swimsuit or used underwear for myself? HELL NO! I realize that adult private parts are more apt for infections and other gross things, while with baby private parts, it's usually just poop and pee. But I still can't bring myself to do it. And the double-standardness of this subject doesn't escape me. I just figure that if there's a market for it, and I have products for said market, I may as well take advantage of it. No, it's very unlikely I will make all my money back, or even profit, if I resell everything I bought. That's actually very rare. The rate of return is somewhere between 50%-80%, depending on what you're selling. So that's what I'll shoot for.

So that'll do it for this round of cloth diaper talk. I'm working on another post that will run down my NB-6m stash, and there'll be pictures, too! I'll publish that probably in a few weeks. Fun times!

Pregnancy: 25th week

Week 25
April 3 - 9

*Sigh* another week started with something bad happening. Remember back in February when I went to the ER 2 days in a row? The one where I didn't get an actual diagnosis, but only a guess of what happened? Yeah, it's happening again.

I was woken up out of a dream where I thought I was pulling a side muscle. Only I wasn't pulling a muscle. My kidney area was throbbing in real life, and it manifested itself as a muscle pull in my dream. Anyway, that was at 1:30am. Once I woke up enough to realize what it was, I immediately went to the bathroom to pee. And although the pain wasn't nearly as bad as it was the first time around, I took some of the awesome pain medicine I got last time. I figured if I didn't, it would get worse (because it always does if I hesitate to take pain meds). Also that the pain last time didn't start out horrible, either, so the likelihood of it getting worse was good. Those puppies knocked me out until about 10:00am. Well, I shouldn't say that, because I do remember getting up a few times to use the bathroom. But 10:00am was the first time I felt I could get out of bed and actually feel somewhat awake.

Overall, it hasn't been as bad as last time, which I attribute to the pain meds and anti-nausea meds. But it still sucks, especially since both types of meds I have make me sleepy. I just hope I don't have so much pain that I throw up, like last time.
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Nope, it hasn't been too bad. Even 4 days past what I wrote above, I still get a dull throbbing pain, but it's manageable without meds.

Anyway, since this has been going on, I've curtailed a lot of my daily activities. I only swam once this week, although I really should have gone 3 times. I haven't gone to college band practice since it started, although I really should have, because we have a concert coming up fast. Cleaning? Yeah, just a light go-over.

But on the bright side, the baby has gotten a LOT more active, and a lot stronger. It's also started kicking (or head butting, I can't tell yet) different areas, so it's a nice reprieve for my bladder. I think I'm gaining more weight now, too, although I don't think my tummy's grown a whole lot in the past few weeks.

And the paint it on the walls of the nursery now! It looks great! Back when I was discussing it with DH, I mentioned getting the carpet cleaned in there. It's cream colored and obviously dirty/stained in places. But he said he didn't think it was necessary, without even going in there to look. Now that he's spent so much time in there though, he now sees how unclean it looks. So I'm going to do a little research and see if it'd be cheaper to hire someone to come do just that one room or to rent a cleaner and do it ourselves.

It's slowly coming together and getting more real. Fun!

Bonding time

Back during Christmas, when discussing baby things with my mother, I mentioned not wanting to have visitors until after the baby was a month old. I said this with trepidation, because I halfway expected her to actually want to be in the delivery room when the baby was born. Thankfully, she said she has no interest in that, because otherwise I would have had to shoot her down, which would have started an argument I didn't want to have. The only family member I want in the delivery room is my husband, no exceptions.

Anyway, when I mentioned the one month timeline, she seemed to take it in stride. Unsurprisingly, a few months later, it seems as though her friends and family have talked her into wanting to see the baby sooner than that... like when the baby is just home from the hospital. And honestly, I see her point about not wanting to wait so long, but it did upset me because she doesn't take any of our wishes or views into account and chooses to think that we're only wanting this in order to exclude her and my father. We are not. We want this because it is what we feel is best for our family... me, DH and our new baby.

Why? Well, there are a number of reasons why, and all of them are important to me and DH. The first one being that we want the bonding time without having to share. Are we selfish? Maybe. But this is our first baby after 3.5 years of infertility, so we want what is due to us, and that means keeping others away for a bit so that we can start bonding as a family of 3. And regardless of what my mother thinks, the bond between grandparents and grandchildren is secondary to the bond between the parents and the child, and no, we won't put off our bonding time until after they leave. Yes, she actually said that. I'm not denying that grandparents need a bond, too. But there is no way that anyone can convince me that the grandparent bond takes precedence over the parental bond just because the grandparents live far away and won't see the baby very often.

Second, I want to learn how to breastfeed in peace and privacy. Sure, there'll probably be a random lactation consultant showing me what to do while in the hospital, but other than that, having someone stare at me while I try to figure it out would be uncomfortable. Likewise, I don't want to feel rushed in trying to feed the baby because someone is waiting to hold it after I'm done (which goes back to #1). I'm being realistic when I say that I think it'll take a good 2 weeks to get things going. I know that sometimes the milk doesn't come in in a timely fashion. I know that sometimes the baby has problems latching on. If everything goes quickly and smoothly, score! But, I'm not willing to move up the timeline that much on the off-chance that there won't be any problems.

Third, we want to use the time by ourselves to get used to our new life. No, this doesn't fall under the "bonding" category. It's totally different. Anyway, the first week, DH will be home helping me. And he's pretty wonderful with babies (well, except changing them perhaps), so I have no fear that I will end up doing everything. The second week, he'll be back at work, and I want to start learning how to get on by myself. Will we be perfect at taking care of our baby at first? Of course not. But we're not a complete rookies either. So with this in mind, we know that we want to learn by ourselves and don't want someone over our shoulders, telling us what we're doing is wrong. We realize that grandmothers have years of experience under their belts, and that's wonderful. But it's also wonderful to figure out something on your own, and that's what we want. Yes, we're like 2 year olds again... wanting to do things ourselves!

Fourth, and I know this will come off wrong, but we just don't want to have to host and entertain people right away. In an ideal world, people would drop by for a half hour, hold the baby a little, and then leave. But we live in a world where all our family lives far away, so staying for only a half hour won't cut it. We have no problems entertaining people, but we'd prefer to do it after we've had time to let things settle... and that means waiting for family.

So those are our reasons for not wanting to accept visitors right away. Is a month pushing it a little? Perhaps. So I am thinking of taking it down to 3 weeks... maybe 2. But certainly not before 2 weeks. It's just something we have to talk over, and DH will have to tell me, yet again, to not be bowled over with guilt whenever I talk to family. Because this is OUR family, not theirs.

Pregnancy: 24th week

Week 24
March 27 - April 2

I'm finally starting to actually feel pregnant! Probably because people are now starting to stare at my belly in public. I never was that girl who may be pregnant or just fat, but apparently within the past few weeks, my belly's grown enough that it's very apparent. It's nice, but at the same time, I never did like to have attention on me, so having people staring at me is a little uncomfortable. I guess I'm just thankful that no one has tried to touch my belly yet. That will be unacceptable, no matter who does it, because they're not touching the baby, they're touching ME. And the baby doesn't kick on command, so using the excuse of wanting to feel the baby kick will fall on deaf ears. The only one who has clearance 24/7 is my husband.

On a somewhat related note, I would like to bid au revoir, hopefully only temporarily, to my belly button. It's now completely level with the rest of my stomach, and I kinda hope it stays that way. I don't want an outie, because then it'll be visible through my clothing. But there's nothing I can do to prevent one, so if it happens, it happens.

Speaking of clothing, I'm still in most of my pre-pregnancy clothes. I have 2 pairs of jeans that still fit, and most of my t-shirts still work, although some of them are becoming too short. I did pick up 2 maternity shirts and 2 maternity dresses on a recent trip to Fargo, and I imagine I'll get more use out of those the bigger I get.

This week was also my birthday week. I turned 31. Which apparently is my golden birthday, or lucky birthday. Also, it is the Year of the Dragon, going off Chinese astrology. The dragon years are supposedly lucky, also babies born in the Year of the Dragon have extra luck. Can't argue with either one of those!

And lastly, DH painted the nursery! I really like it. Now I just have to wait for him to put the trim back on so that I can start in on it. We still don't have the main furniture for it, but I can set up the changing table and move the 9 cube shelf unit from our room. And once I buy the storage bins, that means I can start prepping my cloth diapers! I've been wanting to do that for a few weeks now, but since there wasn't anywhere to put them except for back in their current plastic tote, I held off. Once I start that, I think it'll feel a lot more real. Right now, it's kinda surreal.

ECP

Evil Crotch Pain has a real name! It's officially called Symphysis pubis dysfunction, or SPD. Here's what Wikipedia has to say about it:

"Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD) is most commonly associated with pregnancy and childbirth. It is a condition that causes excessive movement of the pubis symphysis, either anterior or lateral, as well as associated pain, possibly because of a misalignment of the pelvis. SPD is a dysfunction that is associated with pelvic girdle pain and the names are often used interchangeably. It is thought to affect up to one in four pregnant women to varying degrees, with 7% of sufferers continuing to experience serious symptoms postpartum. Although the condition was recognized by Hippocrates, incidences of SPD appear to have increased in recent years; it is unclear whether this is because the average maternal age is increasing, or because the condition is being diagnosed more frequently.

Symptoms

The main symptom is usually pain or discomfort in the pelvic region. This will probably be centered on the joint at the front of the pelvis (the pubic symphysis). Some sufferers report being able to hear the lower back and hip joints, the sacroiliac, clicking or popping in and out as they walk or change position. Sufferers frequently also experience pain in the lower back, hips, groin, lower abdomen, and legs. The severity of the pain can range from mild discomfort to extreme and prolonged suffering. There have been links between SPD and depression on account of the associated physical discomfort. Sufferers may walk with a characteristic waddling gait and have difficulty climbing stairs, problems with leg abduction and adduction, pain when carrying out weight bearing activities, difficulties carrying out everyday activities, and difficulties standing.

Everyday living

Typical advice usually given to women includes avoiding strenuous exercise, prolonged standing, vacuum cleaning, stretching exercises and squatting. Women are also frequently advised to:

• Rest the pelvis
• Sit down for tasks where possible (e.g. preparing food, ironing, dressing)
• Avoid lifting and carrying.
• Avoid stepping over things.
• Avoid straddle movements especially when weight bearing.
• Bend the knees and keep the legs 'glued together' when turning in bed and getting in and out of bed.
• Place a pillow between the legs when in bed or resting.
• Avoid twisting movements of the body.

If the pain is very severe, using elbow crutches will help take the weight off the pelvis and assist with mobility. Alternatively, for more extreme cases a wheelchair may be considered advisable."

Now, mine isn't severe enough to require crutches or a wheelchair, or even stopping vacuuming. But it does hurt to do pretty much everything, to some extent. Some days are better than others. When I try to explain it to people, they just think that I'm being a drama queen because pregnancy is uncomfortable in general. And a lot of women do get ECP, but it's almost always only in the 3rd trimester when their babies get big. So those women tend to roll their eyes when I talk about it. But mine started in the tenth week, way back when my baby was no bigger than a walnut. I started waddling and groaning whenever I lifted my legs to take my shoes off around week 14. I have accepted that this is "normal" for me in this pregnancy though. I don't hold any bitterness that I've had to deal with ECP for a lot longer than most women do, although it does suck and I wish I didn't have it. But there are other things I could have that are worse than ECP, so I'll deal.

But in the end, I remind myself of what's important... having a baby, period. I still treasure (almost) every part of pregnancy, knowing the whole time that this might be my only one. And if part of pregnancy includes minor pain every day, so be it. It's all about perspective.

Pregnancy: 23rd week

Week 23
March 20 - 26

This week, I go in for my 24 week checkup. I'm kinda excited, but kinda not, because the further along I get, the more not-too-fun procedures start happening. The first big thing is that I'll have a glucose test in week 28. I hope I can just skip right to the 3 hour one, because with my PCOS, I have a feeling I'll fail the 1 hour one, even while on metformin.

*A few days later*
My appointment went quickly, like usual, which is good. The doctor listened to the heart beat, and I'm happy to report that it's still racing along at 170 BPM. My tummy is measuring right on track, and she's happy that the baby is active. That's about it. Oh, and no, I can't just skip to the 3-hour glucose test. I could if I were already diabetic (why they have you test for GD when you already have diabetes is a mystery), but I'm not, so I have to do the 1-hour. Blah.

Appointment aside, it's been an uneventful week. You won't find me complaining. Yeah, I still get up a lot in the middle of the night, and I still have a hard time moving most days. But I'm just chalking it up as normal now.