On being "out"

About a year and a half ago, while I was gearing up to go do a wonderful HSG test (and by wonderful, I mean excruciatingly painful) the next week, my mother happened to call. When I mentioned that I had to take a day off of work, she of course asked why, being a mother and all. At that point, no one but my very closest friends knew that we were TTC and having difficulties. So there lay a dilemma... do I tell her? Do I let her think that we're still taking our time in giving her more grandbabies? What would be the consequences of telling her? Would she understand? And finally, would I really care when she inevitably let slip to other family members or her co-workers that we were having trouble in the baby department? All these thoughts flashed through my head in a loaded 2 second pause after her query as to why I needed a day off. So on a whim, I just decided to tell her, because it would at least get her off my back about the baby department. She was, and still is, super supportive and understanding... although she occasionally still asks when we're going to give her another grandbaby. Oh well, I tried.

Shortly after I told my mother (and so the rest of my family indirectly), I figured I might as well out myself on Facebook. I've gotten nothing but overwhelming support from all my friends, and I do not regret being out for one second. It's just soooooo tedious making up vague excuses about why we do not have children yet, and I figure if I can spread awareness just a little bit about something few women talk about, then all the better. I know that not all infertiles feel the way I do about being out, some of that lending to the fact that they've had some negative experiences as a result. And it's unfortunate that some people aren't very open-minded about it, or think that infertility can be solved just simply by relaxing (I will get into that later, cause it makes me mad). But for me at least, it's totally been worth it in being out although there are some ways in which I'm still closeted.

I, as a community member, participate in the local college's band. I really love it, and the director is a nice guy and he brings a lot of energy to the group. Anyway, every year at the beginning of November, the band takes a tour and plays at various high schools in whichever area the tour goes. I didn't go last year, because I had no idea when I would O and wanted to be near my husband should that be the time. (I don't remember the timing of that particular cycle, but needless to say, it didn't result in a pregnancy).

Well, I had to decline going again for the same reason this year. And of course, he knows that I don't work outside the home and that I have no such restrictions as every other community member has. So he asks what plans I have going. There are a few students in the room when this conversation is going on, so I didn't blurt out that I maybe perhaps might need to be near my husband around that time, but I'm not totally sure because my cycles are less-than reliable, so I can't really plan ahead. I don't mind the director knowing, but I get the feeling that that might be a bit TMI for someone who didn't inquire about my reproductive state in the first place. So I just told him that there was a conflict in the schedule, which is basically true, if really vague. If nothing has happened by the start of the next school year though, I think I may have to tell him, or he might start thinking I don't want to go on tour... ;)