Anyone dealing with infertility will have encountered well-meaning people who want to help them out in their time of need. Unfortunately, the things that usually come out of their mouths just make them mad with their insensitivity.
I've touched upon it in a few posts, but I thought I'd give a few of the most irritating pieces of advice & comments I've personally heard, why they bother me so much and/or maybe some of the things I'd like to retort back with (and it will help you to not say something that will upset your friend).
1. Just relax and it'll happen (or go on vacation and it'll happen)
This shows up as most women's #1 anger-inducing comment, and I'm no different. What I loathe about it, is that it implies that I am single handedly preventing myself from becoming pregnant just because I track everything regarding my cycle, which usually makes one more involved in the process. Hence, not relaxed. Besides, if that's all it takes, I would have had a baby right away, since I was as relaxed as could be back then. And relaxing won't take my PCOS away.
2. You're still young
Says the 25 year old woman with 2 kids already. And it's always the young mothers who say this. If a nice grandmotherly type said this to me, I wouldn't be nearly as bothered. But since it usually comes from younger women, it just sounds patronizing.
3. It'll happen when you're ready
Who the hell are you to tell me that I'm not ready to be a parent? Are you implying that it's best we wait because we'll be such horrible parents if it happens now? Ugh... this one makes my blood boil.
4. Just adopt
Because it's totally as easy as placing an order and going to pick it up 15 minutes later *eyeroll*
5. Being pregnant sucks
I would give my right arm if I could throw up every day for months on end, gain huge amounts of weight, get swollen ankles, etc. if it meant I could have a baby at the end of it. Just because you hated it doesn't mean I won't treasure every second of it...even then less-than-fun parts.
6. You must be having a lot of fun (having lots of sex) trying to have a baby
I love my husband. I love sex. But when you're in your fertile time, it's not really having sex... it's just another chore on your daily list. And chores usually aren't that awesome. Granted, the first few times are usually fun, but once you start doing it every day for the sole purpose of fertilizing an egg, it kinda loses meaning. (My husband does not share this view, BTW, and wishes I were fertile more often.)
7. Raising kids is hard.
Thank you Captain Obvious. Is this somehow supposed to make me rethink TTC just because it's not easy? Are you saying you think I'm not up to the task?
8. At least you get to sleep in/take vacations/go out
Again, I will gladly give these things up for a baby. I will live. Promise.
9. Are you sure you want kids? (said as the questioners own kids fight and bicker)
People in glass houses shouldn't throw rocks. This question is supposed to come off as cute, but all it does is make me judge your disciplining skills. Yeah, all kids bicker and fight, but when you do nothing to stop it, it makes me vow to not be like you. Besides, I'll be lucky if I even have ONE, let alone 2 who will bicker with each other. Count your blessings.
10. He just looks at me and I get pregnant
Congratulations. And thank you for rubbing your extreme fertileness in my face.
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