Pregnancy: 15th week

Week 15
January 24 - 30

After having a little discussion with DH about me needing to buy some maternity clothes soon, and him mentioning thrift stores, it got my mind working a bit. Anyone who has been to the thrift stores in my town know for a fact that they are less than awesome. My town is not affluent, so the majority of items that show up there are pretty used & abused, and usually things you can buy at Walmart anyway. So I kinda want to stay away from them if I can. But then I remembered that there is a relatively new consignment shop for baby stuff in town. I looked up the info online, and although their website didn't give a ton of information, it did mention that they carry gently used maternity clothes. So today I went up there to see what they had.

The section wasn't huge, by any means, but most of their clothing was from places like Motherhood Maternity, which is probably where I would have gone first had I left town to go shopping. So I came home with 2 shirts, 2 pairs of jeans and an awesome long jean skirt. And DH is going to love this... I got it all for less than $45. The surprising part for me, was that the jeans were priced less than the shirts were. I wonder why this is? Now I have some basics to get me through the next few months as I can still wear the majority of my shirts still. Then I'll see about working on more warm weather clothes.

Anyway, lately I've been noting that I should start eating more. My tummy grew pretty early, and I was making good progress on a real baby bump, but then I hit that rough patch last week where eating was difficult. I lost a few pounds and I could swear that I'm not as big as I was last week. And I'm probably not eating as much as I should anyway, so this might be part of the problem. But I better get on this gaining weight thing, or I foresee a lecture from my doctor coming soon. Darn. More ice cream.

On the whole for this week though, it's been pretty uneventful. The icky symptoms I had last week are gone for the most part, though I do still get headaches once in a while. I haven't felt the baby move in a while, but I'm not concerned as it's still pretty early for that.

Guilt

I've finally experienced it: the guilt infertile women get when they feel like they're not allowed to complain about their pregnancy. A handful of friends who've dealt with infertility have expressed this while they themselves were pregnant, and I know that they'd say to me exactly what I've told them... that it's okay to complain when things get rough. We're not martyrs. I'd said something along those lines while we were still TTC, so I didn't truly understand what they were going through. But now I know, and I am humbled.

Because when you're in the midst of infertility, with all the pain and jealousy, honestly, it's a little infuriating to hear women complain about their pregnancies. How dare they complain? Don't they realize the awesomeness of what's happening within their bodies and that many would gladly sacrifice a body part to experience it? Yes, it's irrational. But it goes with the territory, and besides, as my DH has pointed out pretty much every other day since we've met, women are irrational anyway. Oddly enough, if I actually knew the pregnant woman in question, it didn't bother me at all to hear them complain. Only if it was someone I didn't know... usually on a message board, or someone I was just an acquaintance with IRL.

But when it comes down to it, no one likes to be hurting or uncomfortable in any way, even if you are a veteran of infertility and you finally get your dream of being pregnant. So I need to cut myself (and others) some slack. We definitely aren't martyrs to the cause, and I'm officially apologizing for wanting to maim unwitting complainers. It probably won't happen again. Probably. :)

Pregnancy: 14th week

Week 14
January 17 - 23

Well, the good news is that my appetite came back a little bit and I didn't even get nauseous! Just for one day though.

Seriously, second trimester sucks so far! I'm nauseous pretty much all the time, I've got lots of random food aversions, I can't do much of anything for longer than 5 minutes before I need to sit down because I get so tired, I'm waking up at least 2x a night and have trouble falling back asleep, and the worst part is that I'm getting a headache almost daily now... which makes my nausea worse. I thankfully haven't thrown up (yet), but I still count nausea as morning sickness.

I really hate complaining about this because it means that I actually am growing a baby inside of me. Before, I always wanted to maim pregnant women who complained about being pregnant, because it felt like they weren't counting their blessings. So I guess that makes me a hypocrite? Feel free to maim me... it might take my mind off my stomach and/or my head. ;)

But man, why couldn't this have happened in the first trimester, you know, when I was expecting it?!? Yes, it will get better. I know that. I'm just throwing a pity party. Don't mind me.

In more exciting news, I think I've felt the baby a few more times. It's always felt like a little thump, and not the butterflies everyone talks about. I hope to feel it more this week!

And now back to poor me stuff, it feels like I broke my butt during swimming. No, I didn't slip & fall, and no, I doubt I actually broke anything. But on Tuesday, I was being maybe a little too vigorous in my breaststroke kicking, and I pulled some muscles. At first, I thought it was my groin, because that's usually the first muscle you'd pull if you were doing breaststroke. But upon discrete prodding, stretching and further swimming, I've deduced that it's not the groin that I pulled, but a muscle I had no idea existed. It's further up than the groin, and further back towards the butt. Hence me saying I think I broke my butt. From a little search on Google, the closest muscle to where I'm describing is the "Pubococcygeus muscle", though I'm not entirely sure that's right either.

All I know now is that it hurts like a b*tch to do breaststroke, and is somewhat painful when I do freestyle or backstroke kicking. So now I have to take it even easier on the lame 500 meters I've already cut myself down to. Go me!

Sorry... it's been a tough week. I hope next week I'll be perkier. US Nationals for figure skating will be next week, so that'll help.

Pregnancy: 13th week

Week 13
January 10 - 16

Woot! I'm now starting my 2nd trimester! I know there are different opinions on when each trimester starts, and mine just happens to be at the start of the 13th week.

Anyway, people all around me are getting sick. It makes me nervous because if I get sick, there are very few things I can take to make myself feel better, and will mostly just have to tough it out. I'm just glad that college band hasn't started back up yet, because from what I hear, the college is more of a cesspool of germs than it usually is right now. Included in the list of sickies is DH. So far it doesn't seem too bad, so I hope that's all it is and that he doesn't give it to me!

As far as how I'm doing, I honestly feel worse than I did in the first trimester. My appetite is g.o.n.e. and more foods are randomly setting off nausea, though my stomach hasn't actively rebelled yet. My energy level has gone way down, so I find myself on the computer or watching TV a lot more than I usually am, which makes me feel like a severe slacker. And whenever I wake up needing to pee, it takes me at least 30 minutes to get back to sleep... which hurts a lot if you wake up 3 times a night or more. But that part makes me curious... I should keep track of when I tend to wake and then when bubs comes, see if that's when night feeds tend to happen. That would be kinda interesting.

But on the bright side, I ordered my maternity suit and it looks like it'll fit, although it might be a touch too big at the moment. I don't expect that to last too much longer. Should be interesting to use just one suit though. I currently rotate between 3, and the one I wear the day before is always still a little damp when I pack my bag the next morning. I can think of a lot things that would be more fun than putting a cold damp suit on. We'll see how it goes though. If it becomes a nuisance, I'll just buy another suit so I can rotate.

I also started 2 registries, which DH kinda shook his head at, what with it still being pretty early. But I wanted to, so I did, although neither one are complete. I did one on Amazon and one for Target. The Target one will be a little lame though, because I did it for those who don't shop online (aka, my mom). I'm still planning on going to a Target and register some more stuff there, since their online selection for "in-store" items is actually pretty small. But mostly all the fun stuff is on the Amazon one.

Pregnancy: 12th week

Week 12
January 3 - 9

One more week until I'm out of the 1st trimester! Even though 13 weeks is the technical start of the 2nd trimester, I am now breathing a little easier now that I've hit 12 weeks, so it almost feels as though I'm already there.

And I announced the pregnancy on Facebook on Wednesday. I have my 12 week appointment on Friday, and wanted to wait until then, but since pretty much all my close family & friends already knew, I figured it was no big deal to reveal a few days earlier than planned. Now I can start "liking" baby-related FB pages! I've been participating in cloth diaper giveaways, and you get more votes if you "like" their page on FB. Well, when you're supposed to be in the closet, you can't do things like that or people will put 2 & 2 together... especially since FB started that annoying real-time ticker that no one can turn off.

Anyway, I'm starting to have problems with migraines, and it really sucks, as I mentioned in a previous post. But I think I know what the main culprit is... sleeping on my back. I go to sleep on my left side, but I sometimes find myself waking up on my back. And the reason why I think this gives me migraines is because my pillow is a little taller than normal, so my neck is at a weird angle. And since my neck is my Achilles Heel, it almost never misses an opportunity to give me problems. I don't want to, but I think I may have to start sleeping with a pillow between me and DH to help prevent me from rolling on my back. He'll just have to get his cuddles some other time.

12w6d - I *think* I felt the baby. It was just a teeny-tiny thump. Or it was a gas bubble. I think I'll just go with the baby, because that's way cooler than any old gas bubble.

*results of my 12 week appointment*
So I'm *slightly* annoyed, not much, but just a little. When I first went in for confirmation at 4 weeks, the doctor kinda made a big deal about not knowing how to date me since I didn't O on CD14 like every other woman on this planet, and so I'd need an ultrasound to do it. I did it, and measured exactly according to my O date.

Well, today, I was listening to the nurses talk (one was training) and heard the senior one say "we go by LMP, so she is 13w1d". What? No, I am 12w3d! I thought we'd established that when you O late, you shouldn't go by LMP (last menstrual period). So when the doctor came in, I asked her, and she said that usually until the 20w ultrasound, they go by LMP, even if there was a dating ultrasound. And she's considering my EDD to be July 12th, instead of the 17th. Grrr. I know it's only 5 days, but still! While I will never regret getting the dating scan and seeing my baby, I'm annoyed that she made a big deal about something she really wouldn't use anyway. So while it's cooler to say I'm in my 13th week, I'm just going to keep using my O date EDD, because I know it's right. I'll say it again... I could totally be a doctor!

Anyway, I got to hear the heartbeat! It took her a while to find, which kinda made me have a heart attack, but she finally got it. The baby is low on my right side, and the HB is measuring about 170 BPM, which is good.

Pregnancy: 11th week

Week 11
December 27 - January 2

I'm getting more excited now that family knows, and I feel a little more secure in buying things now. While on vacation in my hometown, we went to the mall and I will admit, I wandered into the baby sections in most of the department stores, looking for things that could be suitable for gender neutral (not much, BTW). It was slightly disappointing though, because all the baby sections in Dillard's, JCPenney, Herbergers & Sears carry Carter's. There's nothing wrong with Carter's, their clothing is cute and good quality. But when you walk into 4 different stores, you kind of expect different clothing at each of them. Not the case. I did buy a cute brown fleece jacket at Old Navy though. It's got bear ears on the hood! And it was on sale, since it was end-of-season. Score! And before we left town, we stopped at Target because I wanted to take a gander at their maternity section, but we of course went through the baby section. I found the CUTEST sleep & play with characters from Monsters, Inc. on it, and I just had to buy it. They only had 2 though... newborn & 9m. I'm leery of buying a lot of NB clothing because there's no guarantee my baby will even fit into it right after birth. So I bought the 9m, figuring it'll get more wear than the NB size would.

But I was severely disappointed by Target's maternity section. It was super small. I was excited, because no place where I live carries maternity clothing, and I knew Target did. I'd walked into Motherhood Maternity in the mall, but I was a little overwhelmed, so I walked back out and I figured Target would be more manageable. With only 4 racks, it was. But I did buy my first 2 pieces... a plain white long sleeve t-shirt and a dark purple thermal shirt.

I think DH will get a little aggravated at me though, for buying maternity & baby clothes. He knows that our friends will pass around both, so he kinda feels that there's no need to buy more, even though I won't know until I see what I can actually use. But what fun is having a baby when you can't buy your own clothing for both you and the baby? I mean, whatever is lent will be worn, so that's not the issue. He's just being weird I guess because I really haven't bought all that much of either. He should be glad that I don't plan on finding out what it is... gender neutral clothing is really lame, so there's not as much incentive to buy a lot of baby clothing as there would be if we found out. Besides, if we borrowed everything from our friends, it would make me feel like a cheapskate. It'd be one thing if we couldn't afford it, but we can manage to get some stuff, so why not add to the collection to be passed around?

On a brighter note, I'm starting to really show now! It's mostly my organs moving up & out of the way of the uterus, but it's progress!

Not fun, pt. 2

The search for new bras continues. This time, I headed to JC Penney. Right away I found some 34D's and just for kicks, I grabbed a 34C to try on.

I first tried on the C to see if the C at Walmart was just sized small. Nope. The C at JC Penney was too small, too. Okay, so I really am a D. So I tried on the D's. Way too big. So I'm not a D. What the heck is going on? Is there such a thing as a C 1/2? Because that's what I think I am. This is giving me a headache because it's just like trying on jeans.

I don't think my size 34 is wrong either, because I have a 36C bra I'd accidentally bought from Victoria's Secret a while ago (tag said 34C, actual bra said 36C), and on the tightest setting, it's still really lose around the middle after a few hours of wear.

I didn't have too much time to try on more bras, so I didn't go out and try different sizes, and left without a new bra. I'll probably go back when my need is dire and see if the D's will fit then.

But my main bras, which are the same kind, but different colors, are working really well even though the size is a 34B. So I wondered if a 34C would work. When I got back home, I looked online to see if they still make this particular bra. Of course not. I tried eBay, and while they have listings for this bra, none of them are for a 34C. Bummer. I'll have to keep an eye out. But something tells me I won't find one.

Pregnancy: 10th week

Week 10
December 20 - 26

This is the week that family will find out, and I'm excited to share the news with them! When I was thinking of whom to tell and when, I automatically knew that family would find out at Christmas. The timing is absolutely perfect, and I knew that it is the best gift to give. Who needs gift cards when you get a new baby in the family? Exactly.

What I did was crop & size the ultrasound in Photoshop, and then I printed it out. I bought 2 nice frames with matting and put the pictures in. Then I wrapped them up. Simple as that. I'm looking forward to hearing about my in-laws' reaction though. They requested a studio portrait of all their children & their spouses so they could hang them on the wall. So they think that's what I sent. :) I'm crafty like that.

Anyway, I do have a little guilt over something. I also play in my church's small band, and on Sunday, there was a Christmas program we were playing at. We were in a back room, getting everything ready when one of the ladies kinda point-blanks asks me if I'm expecting. Somehow word got around that someone in the band was expecting, and as most of the other ladies are older, I became prime suspect #1. Since I wasn't ready for a lot of people to know yet, I lied and said no. In church. In front of the pastor's wife (sorry!). I know they'll all understand when I finally am "out", but it doesn't stop me from feeling guilty about it. It makes me wonder though who spilled the beans. I'm thinking it was someone DH told, as at that point, I'd told only my very closest friends, and NONE of them have ties to anyone at our church. DH does have a few friends who go to our church, so that's what leads me to suspect him.

***ETA***
Well, the reveal went almost as planned. When my mom was done opening up her gifts, I handed her the wrapped picture, saying "here's one more". She was just talking away, not really paying attention to what she was opening. Then she looked down, started smiling, looked at me and said "really?!?" She just kept looking at it all night. And when my aunt & uncle came over the next day, they saw it and said "really?!?". And finally, when my brother & sister-in-law came over the day after that, they saw it and said "really?!?". Yes, really. :)

But we heard absolutely nothing from my in-laws. We gave it a day or two, and then I messaged my MIL to ask if they'd gotten the package. Turns out they hadn't. But then the next day, a new message showed up on FB from my MIL with the exclamation of it being the best Christmas present ever! So while it was a day or two (or three) late, the news eventually got there.

Symptoms:
10w0d - Wow, hormones! DH didn't want to eat leftovers, so he was scrounging through the fridge, and I felt like the worst wife in the entire world because I wasn't feeding him satisfactorily. I admit, I cried. While I would normally feel bad for not providing a proper meal, I would just shrug my shoulders, say "whatever" and be glad he was fixing the situation himself instead of wanting me to make something else. But I wouldn't cry about it.

Pregnancy: 9th week

Week 9
December 13 - 19

The first day of each new week seems to bring bad things. I hope this isn't a sign of what's to come. At 7w0d, I had cramping and red spotting. At 8w0d, I started treatment of a yeast infection. Now at 9w0d, I woke up with a migraine. I knew I would get one at some point, but in the back of my head, I was hoping that it would hold out until after I had the baby. No such luck. Not only can I not take anything stronger than 2 Tylenol (which won't even touch it), migraines make me nauseous, and since I already have difficulties eating food that my stomach doesn't agree with, I foresee problems in the very near future. I might have to break down & drink some Mt. Dew and see if the caffeine will help. Oh wait. DH decided to drink only non-caffeinated pops, so there is no Mt. Dew in the house. Spectacular. It's going to be a long day.

At least Mother Nature is giving me a break by making it dark & dreary. The sun isn't my friend during a migraine either. And to top it all off, I have to go swimming today. And I mean I have to. I have to go 4 times this week and 4 times next week in order to get my 12 in. And I didn't go yesterday (Monday). I just hope the water isn't 95 degrees like it was last week (yes, it really was that hot). That is way too warm for a preggo to be doing laps and not wanna throw up. I lasted 15 minutes.

Sorry. I don't like to complain about pregnancy because I truly do cherish every second of it. And I guess I'm not really complaining about it... I'm complaining about my migraine, which is a whole 'nother story. That, and I sometimes like to complain. It's exhausting always being so optimistic. I don't know how perky people do it.

Symptoms:
9w0d - My boobs barely hurt anymore which kinda bothers me. And the previous few days, I lost my nausea, hunger & tiredness on top of the no boobs hurting & new spotting & cramping, so I was freaking out inside. So I was glad when my hunger & nausea came back on 8w6d, and that the spotting & cramping went away, too.
9w1d - OMG, I am hungry all.the.time.! During swimming, out of nowhere, my stomach almost literally said "feed me!" in that deep scary possessed monster voice. And I had only eaten about 45 minutes earlier. It hasn't gotten much better the whole day. But the good part is that I don't have any aversions today, so I have more choice in what to feed my tummy monster (no, that's not the baby's nickname... although it's kinda cute).
9w2d - After being perfectly normal all day, my tummy monster decided to hesitate right before dinner. I forced myself to eat though, and tummy monster decided it really liked food again. It's currently 10pm, and I'm starving, although it's only been an hour & a half since I ate dinner (with seconds). Why can't tummy monster like food during the day, you know, so I don't have to wake up to feed it? I know, I know... a sign of things to come. :P
9w4d - I don't know if I'm just bloated or if my tummy is starting to grow, but my upper stomach (the area right below my boobs) is pushing out a bit. I know that the organs shift around as the baby grows, but I'm curious to know if it typically happens this early. I don't know.
9w5d - I now have a permanent food aversion: eggs. Just writing the word make my stomach heave just a bit.

Fluff, pt. 1

For a while now, I've been pretty interested in going cloth instead of the socially-accepted disposable route. Never in a million years did I think I would actually have to start researching brands, building a stash AND get my husband on board for it. It was just one of those "I'll think about it when it happens" things, and I didn't expect it to happen, to be honest.

Well, it happened. But imagine my surprise when DH asked me what we were going to do in terms of diapering. I thought I was going to have to bring it up and then have to talk him into it, providing cost analysis spreadsheets and everything. I said cloth with no hesitation, and though he didn't say no, he did ask why.

For starters, it'll most likely be cheaper than disposables. I've read many pro vs con blogs about it, and the general agreement is that it'll save anywhere from $200 to $1,000 for the first baby (depending on which brands you choose for both), and even more for other babies that will follow, since most will be reused. That's a lot of $$. Sure, the investment up front is hefty, but there will be fewer purchases after, so it'll equal out.

Second, I like the fact that cloth diapers aren't filled with the chemicals disposables have. We are already a semi-"crunchy" family, so the less chemicals that get involved, the better.

Third, I feel better knowing that the roughly 8,800* diaper changes this baby will have over a 3 year period at an average of 8 changes a day, almost none of it will end up in a landfill. Definitely can't say that about disposables. (*of course this all depends on the baby and when it's potty trained)

Fourth, when we're done with kids and diapers all-together, we can resell the gently used ones. No, we won't get all our money back, but it ensures that they are still being useful and it'll help cut the costs of diapers for whomever buys them. What we can't sell, we can recycle.

Fifth, there are studies out there that babies who wear disposable diapers are a lot more likely to develop consistent diaper rash over those who are diapered in cloth. Now that might be because babies in cloth get changed a lot more, but it could also be that the materials & chemicals in disposables wick necessary moisture & oils away from the baby's skin, leaving it dry and irritable. As a side note, I heard on NPR a few months ago that due to the bad economy, disposable diaper sales are down. They also noted that diaper rash cream sales are sky-rocketing. There aren't fewer babies, so that means that parents are trying to save money on diapers by leaving their babies in dirty diapers longer than they should be. And it results in their babies getting diaper rashes. That saddened me.

Sixth, while it still happens in cloth, the number of "poo-splosions" are pretty low due to the fact that most cloth diapers have elastic in the back to help keep the poop in. And if the diaper fits correctly, it shouldn't come out the leg holes either. Going along with poop, skeptics always say "but you'll get poop on your hands." Unless you're the bestest diaper changer in the entire history of the planet, yes, you will get poop on your hands at some point, whether the baby is wearing cloth diapers or not.

Seventh, it is unlikely we will ever run out of diapers, so making emergency runs to the store won't be necessary. This is a big one, because I live in an area of the country that gets blizzards more than I'd care to admit. Being snowed-in with no diapers does not sound fun at all.

Eighth, cloth diapered toddlers tend to potty train sooner on average, because they don't like to feel wetness, and cloth diapers don't have the stay-dry advantage disposables have. Sure, there are kids who take their time potty training in cloth, but on the whole, it's faster by at least a few months.

So far, there are only 2 downsides to using cloth that I can think of. One is the fact that I actually have to wash them and we got a new front-loading washing machine literally a week before I found out I was pregnant. When washing diapers, the more water the better, so a front loader isn't ideal. But there are plenty of moms out there who successfully wash in a FL, so I'll just cross my fingers and hope for the best. The second one is that cloth diapers are a lot bulkier than disposables, so pants will need to be sized up to accommodate the big butt! But it'll be worth it when one considers all the pros I listed above.

Now as I tout my decision of cloth, I realize that while the baby is in the hospital, it will be wearing disposables. That's fine, as I don't want to bring home dirty diapers and have to start laundry right away (this is something I don't want to leave for DH... don't wanna ruin the diapers straight off since they have a super special wash routine). In fact, when we start traveling around, we might use disposables, depending on where we go and for how long. So I'm not totally adverse to using them. I would just like to keep the usage to a minimum.

And unrelated to the topic, yes, I did change the look of my blog again. The last one looked cool, but it had a weird formatting issue that I couldn't fix, and it bothered the heck out of me. I can't guarantee this one will be a long-term solution either, but for now, I'll see how it goes.

Most controversial decision I've made yet

Any guesses what it may be? No, it's not cloth diapers, but that actually came in at a close second.

It's the fact that I don't want to know the sex of the baby before birth. I see the benefits of knowing before-hand, what with buying stuff for the nursery, clothing and choosing definite names. By at the same time, I love surprises, and this is probably the best surprise one could have. I can speculate all I want before (and I do). But there's something to say about the anticipation of the reveal to finally know what sex the baby is.

I also feel I'm more than patient enough to wait. So we will wait.

DH would like to know, but he respects that I don't, so he will go along with it. He tried to talk me into him finding out, and me being in the dark, but IMHO, I think he will slip one way or another and then I won't have a surprise anymore. So I said no. I did make a deal with him though... I told him that if I'm ever pregnant with twins, then we could find out.

When I told my mom that we weren't planning to find out, I thought she would blow a gasket just trying to get me to change my mind. Especially when she asked what kind of clothes she should buy for the baby shower. My answer? Some of the more neutral looking boy clothes, because there's nothing wrong with dressing a girl in the darker colors normally reserved for boys, should we have a girl. We were in Old Navy at the time, and as an example, I held up an innocent red and white striped onesie. OMG. To hear her talk, I would be torturing my girl by putting her in boys clothing... even if it is just a red and white onesie. Girls apparently need pastel colors, ruffles, bows, lace and all that fussy stuff I would never dress a girl in anyway, all just so the general public knows for sure that it's a girl. But honestly, if people hear her name and still call her a boy, then they're idiots, and no amount of pink will change that.

I know it won't be easy for friends and family to pre-buy baby clothes if they want to do so, as I am well aware that gender neutral baby clothes are lame (I blame the ultrasound industry for this). I am sorry. If it's that important to buy girl clothes for a girl and boy clothes for a boy, just wait until it's born to buy clothes. I understand and won't mind. :)

Pregnancy: 8th week

Week 8
December 6 - 12

So technically I'm 7w6d, but I had my 8 week appointment today, so I figure why not?

For the appointment, I wasn't sure what to expect, but figured a pap might be in the picture. I was right. Since my last one was in February, she wasn't planning on doing another one until February, but she was going to take a look at my cervix, so she had to prep like I was getting one anyway. Apparently my cervix was hiding because she literally had to get down on her knees to see it. It made me curious about that, because it's fixed on one end and doesn't have many place to go!

And in February when I had my last pap, I was concerned about a hard growth on my cervix, which turned out to be a nabothian cyst, which is a normal occurrence for most women of child-bearing age, and was supposed to go away on its own. It's still there. The doctor accidentally irritated it today trying to see it, and it made me start spotting. She said that it was probably the reason why I've been spotting off and on, because it's easily irritated.

But since she made it start to bleed, she decided to do a pap, just in case. Works for me. She's already in there, and I'd have to get one soon anyway.

She said I seem to be progressing well and am doing everything right, so she doesn't foresee any problems. So yay! Oh, but she did tell me that she was going to keep me on metformin the whole time, because she figures I'll develop gestational diabetes (GD) if I stop and the treatment would be met anyway. Whatever. I'm so used to taking it now, it doesn't faze me. And I'm okay with not getting my body used to it again if I stopped. Getting used to met SUCKS.

And at the end, they gave me a binder full of info about how this particular clinic does things. Included was a menu from their hospitals in Fargo. Damn! I really hope the hospital I deliver at has as good a food choice as the ones in Fargo do! It's like going to a restaurant. Now whether the food is good is another story, but it sure sounds good.

My next appointment is January 6th.

But..... on a somewhat perplexing note, the nurse called a few hours later and said that the pap came back positive for a yeast infection. I'm like "huh?" Never even expected that because I have absolutely no symptoms of one, which apparently is very very common in pregnancy... the no-symptom yeast infection. But she did say that a YI could also contribute to a sensitive cervix. Good thing she irritated my cervix, huh? So I get a fun messy routine for the next 7 days. Which is not cool for swimming. I have to go because I need to go 12 times a month to get the $20 insurance kick-back, and I'm taking a week off after Christmas, as we'll be out of town. So the plan will be to not go in the mornings, but in the afternoons, and hopefully the medicine will be gone by then. I feel guilty for doing it, but all my searching on the internet says that it's perfectly fine to... the chlorine kills pretty much everything you don't already have, so I won't spread it around. But still... ugh. *cringe*

Symptom-wise, I'm not having very much overall. I'm not dying of thirst anymore, which is good because it means I don't get up 5x in the middle of the night anymore to pee (I still make sure to drink lots, though just not around bedtime!). I don't have any specific food aversions, but some days, certain things turn my stomach just a bit. It makes it hard to meal plan when I don't know from one moment to the next whether I'll be able to eat it or not. I really like salty, greasy & sour things though. DH is leery of these cravings, thinking I'm creating a junk food addict and/or that I'm using it as an excuse to eat like crap, but I gotta eat so I'm going to eat whatever my stomach will allow me to!

Going along with eating, I'm finding that I'm always hungry right before I go to bed (11ish) and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night needing to eat. It's slightly annoying, but really, I'm not complaining. At least I'm not waking up in the middle of the night needing to puke! *knock on wood*. No real morning sickness yet, but if I let myself go too long without eating, I do get nauseous. But overall, I love having symptoms. Do you realize how panicked I would be if I didn't have ANY? I shudder at the thought. ((((sanity))))

And I spoke too soon. I lost all my symptoms the day after I wrote the section above. And on 8w6d, I was cramping all day & spotting pink. This had better be because of the yeast infection!

This may not be fun...

So as of 7w2d, I hadn't noticed any need for a bigger bra, as my old ones still fit. But a day later, I noticed that maybe the fit isn't so great and that I would benefit from a bigger one. My normal bra size is 34B-C. I'm in that weird place where I'm in-between, and just usually buy the bra the fits best. Let's just say I'm a 34C for this blog though.

On a trip to Walmart today, December 2, I took a gander through the bra section, figuring that since the section is absolutely huge, I'd be able to find a cheap, but cute transition bra. I figured wrong. If I took away all the bras that had no underwire (I need support), the push-up bras (but not that much support) or the ugly granny bras (um, no thanks), I was left with very few options.

The problem with whomever stocks our Walmart, is that they think that they need like 10 of each bra in size 36, A, B & C. If you want a D, there isn't a size smaller than 38. I would think that if they wanted people to actually buy some bras, they'd pick a more sizes, like a 34. Anyway, I managed to find ONE bra that fit my standards that might possibly fit me, and it was a 34C. I tried it on just to gauge if it would fit. Nope, too small. Dang. I need a D. Well, I'm definitely not a 38, so I didn't try any on.

So my search will continue next at JC Penney. Our store is super small, but it looks to have a decent bra section. I'll just have to wait until next week, when they send out the next sale promo in the mail.

Pregnancy: 7th week

Week 7
November 29 - December 5

Well, this week started out kind of eventful. And not in a good way. On the very first day of the 7th week, in the early afternoon, I noticed that I was starting to cramp a little. They weren't bad, but they were strong enough for me to notice and constant enough that I began to worry. But I didn't notice anything else, including spotting on the trips to the bathroom I took during this 45-minute or so time span, so I just figured it was my uterus growing. Three hours pass and as I'm standing at the sink doing dishes, I coughed. *Gush*. Shit. It wasn't a big gush, but when nothing is supposed to be gushing, you tend to notice that kind of thing. Went to check it out in the bathroom and see right away a spot of red on my underwear. Panic is starting to set in at this point because red spotting isn't good. And although they didn't occur simultaneously, the earlier presence of cramps is what did me in. I'm just trying to tell myself that spotting and cramping are super common in early pregnancy and that maybe I just have a small blood clot.

I called the clinic in the morning and talked to my doctor's nurse. She asked if I was still cramping and/or spotting and I said no, that it seemed like it was a one-time thing. She then asked if I was drinking enough water. No, I've been pretty lax in that department. Then she asked if there was an activity that I did too much in. And it just so happened that I did do some hard swimming that day. So she recommended me to take it easy during swimming, drink at least 64oz. of water a day, and then see how it goes. Since it seemed to be an isolated event, she didn't think I needed to go in. And so far, 5 days later, all seems to be well. No more spotting. :) Yay!

New symptom alert. Exhaustion. I thought I got tired quickly before, but wow, now it's like hitting a brick wall. You don't even see it coming until it's here.

I also think my tummy's starting to grow just a bit. Or I'm just bloated. Either way, certain pants are feeling a little snug. I'll have to start taking pictures. I got one at 6 weeks, which I consider my baseline pic. And I wasn't planning on taking any more until I started showing. But now I'm realizing that it will just gradually appear and that my tummy just won't all of a sudden pop out one day.

Pregnancy: 6th week

Week 6
November 22 - 28

Okay, I broke down. I took advantage of some awesome Black Friday deals on cloth diapers, even though I was only 6w2d. I was thinking of any other big sale day, other than after-Christmas but before I give birth, that would save me as much money, and I couldn't come up with anything. Memorial Day is about it, and I don't see that being a huge cloth diaper sale day. So I took the risk and built my stash.

I bought enough to hopefully get me through until next Black Friday, when I'll have to size up about half of my diapers. The other half of my stash includes One Size (OS) diapers... meaning they have snaps in the front that you can use to adjust to the size of the baby. And the weight range is about 8-35lb. So they'll hopefully last until the kid is potty trained. But since they're used so much more than ones the baby grows out of, they wear out faster, so I don't know if my OS's will make it to subsequent kids. They're relatively cheap though, so no biggie. I'll run down my newborn-6m stash on a later post.

Also this week was a little scare. On Sunday after a BM (sorry... or no, I'm not. I warned you this blog might be gross), I noticed some spotting, and it wasn't brown. It was pinkish-red. Since whenever I see spotting, I am used to AF being right behind it, my heart dropped a bit. But my fabulous friends on FF reassured me that during pregnancy, the cervix is super sensitive, and that sometimes if you even look at it wrong, it bleeds. Okay, you can't really look at your cervix. But you know what I mean. So it's normal, especially since it's only when I have a BM and haven't experienced any cramping.

And finally, some symptoms are starting to show their ugly heads. But I'm good with it, because then I won't worry as much. Anyway, the first big thing is my appetite. I don't have one. Food just does not interest me at all, which is unusual for me because I love food. And then I start to get nauseous because I haven't eaten. Whatever I force myself to eat though, must be salty. Sweets also hold no interest for me, which is doubly unusual for me. Cravings have also started. My favorites right now include lemon-lime Kool-Aid, spicy chicken sandwiches from Wendy's (bought some Schwan's spicy chicken since we don't have a Wendy's) and mall pretzels with salt and nacho cheese sauce (bought frozen ones since our mall sucks). The second big thing is that I'm constantly tired. I can wake up from an 8 hour sleep and still be tired. The third big thing, for me at least, is that my breath support while playing my clarinet is drastically reduced. I feel like I have to breathe every 2 measures now, instead of the 4-8 I had before. And at the end of the song, I'm practically panting. I'm going to have to watch this one, because I don't wanna be passing out. That would be kind of awkward.

First ultrasound

Because my doctor didn't know how to date me since I didn't ovulate on CD14 like everyone else, she had me come in for a dating scan on November 21st. At that point, I knew I was 5w6d because I knew when I ovulated (nice thing about charting is you generally know stuff like this), but I figured it'd be nice to see a sack with something in it. I was seriously hoping to see something in it. I didn't know it was a fear until I got in there, and I all of a sudden thought, "what if there's nothing there?".

But that was short-lived. The tech first tried an external ultrasound, but she warned me that since I was so early, she might not get anything. But she did zoom right in on that little black hole that represented the sack. She zoomed in a little more, and hey, there's the baby inside! She paused for a second, and what do I see? The heart beating. OMG. This is happening for real. I was so indescribably happy to see that little flicker, I don't even have words. I wasn't even expecting to see it this early.

And since the tech needed to measure the baby to date me and couldn't get a clear enough picture on the external, she had me undress from the middle down so she could do a fun vaginal ultrasound. I've had those before, so I was not fazed. She took a gander at my ovaries first so she could measure them & whatever else an ultrasound tech does. And it turns out I ovulated out of my left ovary. There was a big black hole right in the middle of it, which I was told was the corpus luteum... the remnant of the hole the egg made when it came out, and the thing that is helping keep my baby alive until the placenta takes over (it produces progesterone). It's such a beautiful black hole.

Then she zoomed in on the baby. Heart still beating, but not a whole lot clearer. She measured the heartbeat and reported that it was 112 BPM, which is good for how far along I was since it had probably only started beating a few days before. Then she measured the baby, and the determination was that I was 5w6d, just like I thought. But now the doctor knows, and I can tell myself that I am awesome, so that's good. :)






















Doesn't the yolk sac kinda look like an alien head and that it already has arms and is waving? Cute!

I'm just soooo happy that I got to see the heartbeat though. It was very reassuring, because once you see a heartbeat, the chance of miscarriage drops to about 5-10%. I realize that I'm not out of the woods by far though, so I'm still just living on hope that everything will go just swimmingly.

Pregnancy: 5th week

Week 5
November 15 - 21

Not much new to report except I think my boobs have gotten the message that it's okay if they really hurt. They're pretty painful now, and though I don't think they've gotten much bigger, they feel like they've grown at least a cup size. My bras still fit, so that will be my gauge. My energy levels are just a touch low, but I honestly thought that would be worse. And now I'm getting hungrier a lot more. So all in all, pretty normal stuff.

I've already been planning on what to do with the nursery, so of course that means going on Etsy and drooling over fabric. I've also been researching up the wazoo about cloth diapering. It's something I really want to do, and there are literally tons of different options out there, so I'm glad I'm doing this early while not much else is going on.

But I laugh when I think about preparing for a baby, and the order in which I place certain things. In a lot of ways, it's exactly like planning a wedding: you get the bare necessities done first like booking the church and booking the reception. Then you do the fun things like dress shopping, cake tasting and flowers. When that's done, you finish all the other not-as-fun stuff. With a baby, you make your doctor's appointment first, and then you can do fun stuff like nurseries, names, cloth diapers, clothing. When all that's done, then you do the boring stuff like car seats, bottles, nose suckers, etc. See? Exactly the same!

But this is actually an awkward time of year to be newly pregnant (mid-November). Because you just know there will be awesome Black Friday/Cyber Monday deals that will cut the cost of a lot of big ticket baby items. At the same time, I'm nowhere near the end of my first trimester and as such, am very leery of buying much of anything while the chances of miscarriage are still pretty high. So as much as it's going to kill me, I'll wait until the after-Christmas sales and hope they'll be just as good. I'll still be only 11 weeks at that point, so not quite out of the woods, but close enough.

Pregnancy: 4th week

Week 4
November 8 - 14

It's starting to sink in a little more now, but on the whole, I still feel like it's some dream I'm going to wake up out of suddenly.

I'm starting to feel better, too, which is good... I've been sick for a super long 9 days, and although you won't find me complaining considering the reason, I just ready to join the real world again. There is a huge difference between choosing to stay home and being forced to stay home.

As for how it's going, it's been going pretty good so far. On Friday, I went swimming and got 1,000 meters in before I died (I also had to pee. Putting a wet suit back on sucks ass, so I thought it was a good time to quit). And since it was Veteran's Day, my husband had the day off. He asked me if I would help him load up branches from a lilac bush he was trimming, and I said yes thinking it wouldn't be hard and that it'd be okay. It wasn't hard since the branches were light. But there were a lot of them, so I did a lot of bending, squatting and lifting. Conveniently, I hit my exhaustion point right when he finished trimming. He looked at me weird when I said I was exhausted, because I really didn't do that much. But then again, it still hasn't sunk in for him that I'm pregnant now, so he'd forgotten that I have to be careful now. Seems I need to remember that, too before I go and help him at the rental.

Later in the evening, we had plans to play some pinochle with good friends. I was planning on telling them, but on one of my many trips to the bathroom, I noticed some spotting, probably from all the activity I did. Definitely not telling people now. I think I'll give it a week and see how it goes. Today, I'm making myself lounge around all day and drink lots of water. I know spotting is super super common in pregnancy, and it wasn't accompanied by cramping, so I'm not too worried. But I am being a little cautious... it took us over 3 years to get this pregnancy, I'm not going to take it for granted.

But really, other than that, I feel really good. I can tell my body's changing already though... my boobs and my belly feel squishier, although they don't look any different than normal. It's all kind of interesting. Perhaps I should start taking weekly pics of my body... at least one from the beginning anyway. I have no idea when I'll start to show, but I imagine it'll be after the New Year, so maybe taking one every week from week 5 up until then won't show much. I think it'll be fun though.

So, how am I doing?

Although I'll include symptoms individually within each weekly update, I thought I'd just give a basic overall update through my first 12 weeks.

For the most part, I am LOVING being pregnant. I've had a few scares here and there really early, but otherwise it's been smooth sailing. I haven't been affected by morning sickness at all, although I do tend to get a little nauseous if I go too long without food. I haven't been too tired, although once in a while I'm wiped out by 7:30pm (like tonight). My food aversions are minimal (just eggs mainly, though sometimes my tummy will decide it doesn't like something randomly). Food cravings are minimal also. No weird combos.

I guess the biggest, most consistent things, are that I'm ALWAYS hungry, and I'm constantly having to go to the bathroom. But those are pretty average.

The only thing I'm starting to worry about a bit is the fact that whenever I change positions, move too quickly, sneeze or cough in a certain position, or now even walking (pretty much whenever I'm moving), I get sharp pains low in my abdomen. It's been like that for about the past 5 weeks. I asked my doctor about Round Ligament Pain (RLP), but she says I'm really early for that. So it's just something we're going to have to keep an eye on. Something tells me that it's because the baby is pretty low in my uterus (going by where the Dr. found the heartbeat), and if that's the case, I'm just going to have to grin & bear it because there isn't anything anyone can do about it.

Just a note: for the next month or so, I will likely be publishing something every day. I have a big backlog of posts and I want to get caught up to real-time!

Pregnancy: 3rd week

Week 3
November 1-7

I am still in utter disbelief. To know that I have finally gotten a BFP after all the struggle is so sweet! And I guess I'm still technically 12DPO, which is early for most doctors. The line should get darker and darker each day, and I have about 20 internet cheapie HPT's to burn... so I will definitely be testing every day until I feel like stopping. Which might not be for a while. I consider myself a recovering POAS-a-holic, and I'm falling off the wagon. Because now I will have actual results, so it's fun!

Sorry... not much else to write. My excitement has no words.

So........

Hey, guess what?
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We're going to have a baby!

Right now, as of January 3, 2012, I'm 12w0d, so that puts my due date at July 17, 2012.

We actually found out the beginning of November, but I wanted to keep the surprise until Christmas. Sorry. I faked a cycle just for this blog in order to keep people from finding out. But I'm completely sure I'm forgiven. :)

My very first hint was on 6DPO, when my throat started to hurt. I'd always heard that a lot of women get sore throats shortly after implantation, but I put it down as an old wives tale. I thought I was simply sick, because a friends' son had recently been sick, and thought I'd caught it.

Next hint was the next day at 7DPO, when I spotted. Spotting is nothing new to me, so I thought I was just getting started early this cycle, and gave it up as a bad job. But I only spotted one time that day, and nothing else in the days following. Hmmmm...

So me, being in denial, went on as normal for the next few days, and my sore throat turned into a full-blown illness, which I'm still coughing from. My husband really wanted me to see a doctor about it, so on a whim, I POAS. I figured if I really was sick and the doctor was to give me anything, they might wanna know about it.


Imagine my surprise when I saw a faint line at 11DPO (3 days before my missed period). I think I just sat there in disbelief for about 10 minutes, and then got up and took it over to a window just to make sure I wasn't seeing things. Nope. It was still there. I am pregnant! Holy crap! Over the next few days, the line progressively got darker. Yep. Definitely pregnant. *grin* But surprisingly, I was calm about it. I didn't cry, scream, nor jump up & down. It was actually pretty surreal for a long time.

How I told DH was nothing too special. Over the years, I'd thought of various fun ways to tell him that we were going to have a baby. But it took so freaking long that it seemed pretty anti-climatic to go all fancy over it. So I just stuck with the facts.

Over dinner one night -

Me: Hey, I think I know why I've been so sick
Him: Why?
Me: Because I'm pregnant.
Him: Are you sure?
Me: Yes.
Him: Well, that's good news!

See? Simple & to the point. But I still don't think it's really sunk in for him yet. Maybe when I get big and fat (!!!!) and he can feel the kicking, will he realize the awesomeness of it all.

I've kept weekly updates from when I first found out, and I'll publish those every few days, just so you can come along on the ride... though a little late. And yes, I have a lot of HPT's. Infertile women buy HPT's bulk off the internet. They're way cheap, and are usually more sensitive than those you can buy at the store. For a pack of 25, I paid about $5.50. Anyway, that's why you see a lot of tests... that and I will never get tired of seeing 2 lines!

Oh, and this is the reason why I've been kinda lame on the blogging... it's extremely hard to write about infertility when all you're doing inside is jumping up and down over the baby in your tummy. It's not that I've forgotten that I will always have problems, probably even after I have the baby, but it's like I'm taking a 9-month break from infertility. And it's awesome not to have that full weight on my shoulders. I've written lots of pregnancy-related blogs though. Those were really easy. ;)